Fullness of Joy

Ps.16:11 "...In Your presence there is fullness of joy;..."NKJV

20th April 2000

I have been a charismatic Christian since 1980 having previously been a Roman Catholic, and for 15 years until my husband Peter, retired in 1995, ran a charity called The Stairway Trust providing residential counselling for the addicted and emotionally disturbed.

I started breeding budgerigars to give myself a break and some space where I could get away from all the problems and became very successful and well-known in the budgerigar show scene and also produced the largest budgerigar information website in the world. I was also a Christian Listeners Tutor with the Anglican charity formed by Bishop Morris and Anne Maddox called the Acorn Healing Trust.

In October last year our church moved in from Crymych (17 miles) to Cardigan (12 miles) so much less travel. I had not been well for several years and was in a lot of pain; also the journey and the fact that they met in a freezing cold village hall meant that I had not been for about 2 years. However, I decided to start going again, but not to get closely involved. I was still in a lot of pain (kidneys)and am currently waiting to go into hospital for further tests. I have also been walking with a stick for a couple of years now - displaced 4th & 5th vertebrae as well as arthritis in knees and hips, osteo-arthritis and a couple of other things. I now needed help during the night, including turning over in bed.

At the end of March I went to a meeting in March put on by the church. The speaker was Lori Lawler, daughter of John Arnott, leader of the Toronto Airport Fellowship I went out for prayer for the pain I have - she said 'Can I give you a hug?' I said 'Yes' and was enveloped by this lovely lady! Next thing I knew I was on the floor - vaguely aware of what was going on, but I felt as if I were on fire. After I while I tried to get up, but each time I did, someone came over, put a hand on me and said 'More Lord' and back down I went. Anyway, I finally made it to my feet, when Jackie (who lives opposite us) put her hand on me and down I went again and this time I just couldn't stop laughing. This went on for ages, and in the end I was helped up and more or less carried to the car. It was like being drunk and there was nothing I could do about it!

I spent the next day in a complete daze, like a hangover, without the upset stomach, tingling from head to foot and feeling very close to Jesus. Now *I* want to say "More Lord!" I have always prayed that I would be at the centre of what God is doing and now I really feel that I am on the way to achieving that. I had ordered the Catch the Fire tapes from the Toronto website weeks before and I have been listening to them whilst on the computer, which means all day, so I was prepared in a way. Every so often one particular song would stand out and I think the most important of these was "The Father Loves you". As I played it over and over again, the truth of God's love for me moved from my head into my heart .I haven't gone round the twist, but I have had a *very* deep and moving experience which I just felt I wanted to share with you. So on with the saga.

Since then I have been gradually getting back into a very real relationship with God, summed up by the words of the songs I chose for our cell group last week.

1. I will run after you I will run after you with all my heart
I will run after you with all my strength,
Like the deer searching for cold water in a drought
I thirst for you with all my heart,
Like the deer searching for cold water in a drought,
I thirst for you with all my heart.
Anne Denton Copyright © 1980 Springtide/Word Music (UK)

2. I'm falling in love with Him over and over and over and over again.
I'm falling in love with Him over and over and over and over again
He gets sweeter and sweeter as the days go by
Oh what love between my Lord and I.
I'm falling in love with Him over and over and over and over again.
Author unknown

I must say that it is *very* good to be back to where I was 20 years ago, I sang inside all day in spite of the fact that all the pain was still with me, which was a bit disappointing. Anyway, that is not the end of it.

The Sunday before last, I went out to the front to explain what had happened to me. Afterwards, the two Jackies (one lives opposite and the other is the wife of our cell-group leader) went to pray for me. As soon as they laid hands on me, I jack-knifed so that my head nearly touched the floor - didn't know I could get down that far - and then the laughter started again. They got me to a chair and there was a terrific grinding in my back. Jackie1 had her hand on me and actually felt it!. The result is that I no longer walk with a stick and am in very little pain. From taking 5-6 Co-proxamol a day (plus pethedine when the kidney pain was bad) for over a year - I now (2 weeks later) take none and am getting around fine. I still have a bit of the kidney pain, but nothing like it was before.

This is the latest song that had me in it's grip!

I want to be out of my depth in Your love
Feeling Your arms so strong around me
Out of my depth in Your love
Out of my depth in You.
Learning to let You lead
Putting all trust in You
Deeper into Your arms
Surrounded by You.
Things I have held so tight,
Made my security;
Give me the strength I need
To simply let go.

By Doug Horley & Noel Richards Copyright ©1995 Thankyou Music

Life is very good! I am now waiting for my knees to be straightened out and a couple of other things to be sorted! I have now registered to go to the Bride of Christ Conference at Toronto Airport Christian Fellowship in June - should be interesting!. So, for me life is *very* good after a very dry few years.

30th April 2000 The church has had a terrible tragedy this week. One of our leaders Colin Hawking, was killed. He was run over by a tractor and we are all devastated. He was very deaf and would not have heard the tractor approaching. He leaves a widow and 6 children. He was the most beautiful man - everyone loved him. No-one has anything but good to say about him and although we feel that a light has gone out, we know he is in that place where he belongs. He glowed with the inner light of Jesus and his smile was genuinely 'out of this world'. On Sunday evening, he gave me a great big hug and told me how glad he was that I was able to walk properly again. That was that last time I saw him.

I have known him for 20 years and in all that time, regardless of circumstances, his love has never faltered and I loved him very much. The death of anyone else could not possibly have had this effect on the church or on the community. We had a church meeting last night and mourned together - that was a really beautiful experience It certainly has done a lot to bind the 'church' (as in the biblical definition - the people) together. Only Colin could have produced the depth of loss which we are all experiencing. We also believe that his death will be a great help to promoting unity in the community - it is in God purposes and I certainly, have a sense of excitement about those purposes.

May God forgive us all for our denominations. We believe that God will honour Colin's vision for revival once again in Wales and some of us are in faith that his death will be the catalyst.

Last Sunday evening I came to the realization that the time and effort I spent on the budgerigars was going to get in the way of the work God was giving me, and I telephoned my friends, Pat and Gren Norris, from whom I had had birds over a number of years, and offered them my stud of 200+ birds on condition that they showed some of the better ones.. They accepted immediately and arranged to come and collect them all. I have thoroughly enjoyed my time in the budgerigar fancy but now I am back with my first love. I wish all the friends I have made over the years every success in the hobby. Bless you all!

Now to the continuing story...